The ProsenPeople

Snag a Nice Jewish Boy by Passover in Four Steps

Thursday, February 16, 2017 | Permalink

Earlier this week, Jen Glantz shared her top tips and secrets to online dating for Jewish women. With the release of her new book Always a Bridesmaid (for Hire), Jen is guest blogging for Jewish Book Council all week as part of the Visiting Scribe series here on The ProsenPeople.


One of the main reasons I find myself with a ruthless case of Acid Reflux during holiday dinners back home in Boca Raton, Florida, isn’t because I ate too many bites of gefilta fish with horseradish, or because I drank my Manischewitz too quickly, but because I no longer can properly digest the question: “Why didn’t you bring home a mensch this year?”

There’s not a Yom Kippur break-fast or a Rosh Hashanah dinner that goes by where family members don’t smear my challah-bread stuffed self with questions about why I’m still single and, more importantly, why I haven’t found a match on JDate.com, where in their mind there must be loads of wonderful Jewish guys all around the country waiting patiently for me behind computer screens.

While I’ve become a pro at tuning them out—breaking out in Hava Negila instead, shifting their attention from my MIA marital status on my underappreciated vocal talents instead—I have decided to kick off 2017 with the goal of surprising them by bringing home a Nice Jewish Boy by Passover, so they can pinch his cheeks, ask him about his family lineage, and stop pretending they are saving a seat at the table for someone named “Elijah” (I secretly think that’s the Haggadah’s way of saying we are saving this seat for Your Future Husband, Jen, and as soon as you bring him home, we’ll all stop pretending to have an imaginary friend).

So if you’re up to join me on this challenge, here are the four ways I plan to find a NJB before its time for all of us to ditch the carbs for a week and turn to matzah instead.

1. Get Rid of the Not-Nice Jewish Guy
Before we dive into this challenge, it is imperative that you say Shalom—and I mean the goodbye kind—to your ex-boyfriend. The one you still frequently look at on social media and hope to eyeball when you’re back home for Yom Kippur and sitting in shul for the entire day starving. In order to move forward, you have to move on. Change congregations, block them on social media, tell your mutual youth group friends that you are trying to move on and want them to stop giving you updates on his or her whereabouts.

Now that we’ve got the hardest step out of the way, let’s move forward.

2. Take Your Business Online
It may be one of your biggest hesitations, but downloading a dating app or paying for a membership to an online portal of eligible singles may be one of the fastest and most convenient ways to say hello to new potential suitors. The best part of this step is, you can browse for matches while sitting in your pajamas, on your couch, and eating defrosted kugel that you have stored in your freezer. The worst part about this step is that you’ll have to kiss many frogs before you find a prince, and by kiss, I mean you’ll have to go on way more coffee dates than you’d like with guys who look nothing like their profile picture and argue with you over Trump vs. Hilary.

Remember, there are five simple steps to hacking Jewish online dating. Make sure you read (and follow) these tips as you venture forth into the interwebs!

3. Go on as Many Dates as There Are Plagues
If you’re a one-date-a-year kind of person, it’s time to change your ways. Dating, nowadays, is a numbers game. If you want to meet the right person you may have to go on 7 dates a month or even—dare I say it—a week. The more people you meet in-person, the more you will think a) people are really strange and b) that you may just be one date away from kissing your beshert frog.

4. Say Yes to Your Local Matchmaker
I’m not saying you should shell out a couple of hundred dollars to meet with a professional dating coach or matchmaker. You don’t need that. Your family members are natural matchmakers themselves. It’s in their DNA. Just reach out to cousins your age or spread the word around your local relatives that you’re single and looking for a NJB. Before you know it, you’ll have phone numbers of every Schwartz, Bergstein, and Cohen who live on the east side of your town.

Follow these steps as closely as you (hopefully) did your Torah portion during your bar or bat mitzvah and you might find yourself smooching Mr. Right hello before asking the Four Questions at your next Passover seder.

Jen Glantz once wanted to become a rabbi but instead she became the world’s first professional bridesmaid and founder of Bridesmaid for Hire and the author of the new book, Always a Bridesmaid (For Hire). She’s the heartbeat behind the website The Things I Learned From and the author of All My Friends are Engaged. She spends a good chunk of her free time searching for a mensch who will look at her with the same kind of googly eyes with which she looks at pizza.

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A Girl's Guide to Hacking JDate

Tuesday, February 14, 2017 | Permalink

Jen Glantz is the author of All My Friends Are Engagedand Always a Bridesmaid (for Hire), out this week from Simon & Schuster. With the release of the new book, Jen is guest blogging for Jewish Book Council all week as part of the Visiting Scribe series here on The ProsenPeople.

Everything we do, we do online first.

We scan different websites to find the lowest prices on items before we snag them in-store, or just add them directly into our virtual shopping cart. We Google search somebody before we shake their hand in-person for a job interview, as if we’re amateur detectives cross-checking their life story via their MySpace, LinkedIn, and if we’re savvy enough, their LiveJournal page too.

So of course, for many of us, going online is where we bring our love lives when we are ready to find a good deal—or at least a better one than we may find late night at a bar or when we’re out with friends and a stranger approaches with a pick-up line that makes our eyes roll to the back of our heads.

For me, it was JDate. After watching the majority of my friends find their prince charmings on dating apps and websites (and having what felt like everyone from my mom to my childhood rabbi send me a promo email for the Jewish dating website), I gave in and joined five years ago. Since then, I went on more first dates than I did bar and bat mitzvahs in middle school—which is saying something: I went to a Jewish school and sometimes had to squeeze in two a weekend—and even surrendered my password to my mom, so she could take over my dating profile and match me with the mensch of her liking.

With all the experience I’ve had on that website, it’s my pleasure to hand over some of the top secrets I’ve learned that will help you spend less time browsing the website and more time meeting your potential future husband offline. Here are my top five tips to hacking JDate:

1. Tell the Truth
While we may not want to type out our entire life story on our profile, we do want to highlight four or five interesting facts about ourselves. These should be honest, fun tidbits of information that spark conversations and give the person messaging you an idea for an opening line or a first date. I took off the paragraphs of text from my profile and instead wrote about my love for live rock music, my habit for eating pizza more than five times a week, and my obsession with spending time at the local library.

2. Avoid Holidays and Late Nights
The worst times to search for love are on holidays and weekend nights. You’ll find that the website feels empty and the people crawling on it are usually looking for a quick hook up and not a relationship. The best time, and most popular time, to use the website is on Sunday or right after work on a weekday.

3. Make the First Move
We may be sitting back and waiting for our Mensch matches to message us, but if we want to be successful online, sometimes we are the ones who need to take the first step. If there’s a Nice Jewish Boy that catches your attention, reach out with a message and break the ice before your match (or their membership) expires.

4. Meet IRL ASAP
Avoid having the conversation linger online and instead make plans to meet in person as soon as you feel comfortable sitting across from the person in real life. If they seem to be dragging their feet on making a game plan, throw out an offer to meet for coffee on a weekend or a glass of wine on a weeknight.

5. Give People a Chance
After spending more time on JDate than I can count on my left hand, I have learned that often times the guys I like in person are the ones I’m not overly impressed with online. Most of the time, they didn’t do a great job putting up recent photos or describing their interests in detail online, but offline they are captivating and surprisingly the guys I look forward to seeing again. The guys who often woo me online are the ones, I find sometimes, are the most boring and unpolished offline.

Jen Glantz once wanted to become a rabbi but instead she became the world’s first professional bridesmaid and founder of Bridesmaid for Hire and the author of the new book, Always a Bridesmaid (For Hire). She’s the heartbeat behind the website The Things I Learned From and the author of All My Friends are Engaged. She spends a good chunk of her free time searching for a mensch who will look at her with the same kind of googly eyes with which she looks at pizza.

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