Secrets and Lies is a com­pelling jour­ney into the realm of secrets, offer­ing insights for those who are hid­ing the truth and those who dis­cov­er what has been hidden.

Isay was both a secret find­er and keep­er. After fif­teen years of mar­riage her hus­band admit­ted he was gay, but togeth­er they decid­ed to keep it a secret for the sake of their sons. Build­ing on per­son­al expe­ri­ence, six­ty inti­mate inter­views, and exten­sive research into the psy­chol­o­gy of secrets, Isay shows how pain can be light­ened by full dis­clo­sure, apol­o­gy, and time. Some­times the truth sun­ders rela­tion­ships, but often it saves them.

Pow­ered by detailed sto­ries and Isay’s com­pas­sion­ate analy­sis, Secrets and Lies reveals how uni­ver­sal secrets are. The big ones — affairs, homo­sex­u­al­i­ty, parent­age, sui­cide, abuse, lost sib­lings, hid­den reli­gion — can be ruinous at first, but the effects need not last for­ev­er, and Isay shows us what makes the dif­fer­ence. With guide­lines for those who keep secrets and those who find them out, Isay reveals the art of sur­viv­ing a secret.