The ProsenPeople

Famous Jews You Went to Hebrew School With

Wednesday, January 27, 2010| Permalink

In her last posts, Melissa Broder conducted a “Jewish vs. Goyish litmus test” for the year in review and shared the B-Sides of her forthcoming When You Say One Thing but Mean Your Mother (Feb. 6).

Jon Stewart 
got you stoned behind the bimah.

Joe Lieberman 
wouldn’t stop talking about Schindler’s List.

Kenny G. 
grew misty during Oseh Shalom.

felt you up at Mike D’s parents’ house.

Gloria Steinem 
took offense to the book of Genesis.

burned down the sukkah.

Rahm Emanuel 
wouldn’t stop talking about Birthright.

Gene Simmons 
was “very active” in youth group.

Bette Midler 
aced her Torah portion.

Courtney Love 
was the mean girl.

Natalie Portman 
was her minyan.

Jonathon Safran Foer 
wouldn’t stop talking about Elie Wiesel’s Night.

Gertrude Stein 
had a “thing” for Queen Vashti.

Paula Abdul 
sniffed gluesticks.

Amy Winehouse 
took the teen tour by storm.

Alicia Silverstone
didn’t eat the kreplach.

Mark Chagall
wouldn’t stop talking about Mark Chagall.

Bob Dylan 
ignored you.

Who did you go to Hebrew School with?

Melissa Broder is the author of When You Say One Thing but Mean Your Mother. She is the curator of the Polestar Poetry Series and the Chief Editor of La Petite Zine. She is the winner of the Jerome Lowell Dejur Award and the Stark Prize for Poetry. Broder received her BA from Tufts University and is currently in the MFA program at the CCNY. By day, she works as a literary publicist. Her poems have appeared in many journals, including: Opium, Shampoo, Conte and The Del Sol Review. She lives in Brooklyn. Visit her website

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