Writing a memoir about grief can be tricky, but Rachel Goldberg-Polin handles it skillfully in When We See You Again. “I chose to start writing without time or distance from the impact, so I have no perspective.… What I realize now, since my heart is shattered into tiny pieces, is that it is easier to share than when it was one mighty, solid, and strong heart.” Goldberg-Polin writes this early on in the book, in her author’s note. But these words belie the fact that this book feels fully present and ready — perhaps because of her stark honesty: She is not trying to convince readers that she is fine or will be fine; instead, she searches Jewish texts and traditions and her own memories for indications that one day she might be okay. At least until when she is reunited with her son Hersh in The World to Come.
The narrative of the memoir isn’t linear: Goldberg-Polin moves between her childhood, Hersh’s childhood, the days leading up to October 7, October 7 itself, and everything that came after it. But this feels right, structurally, since grief itself is not linear, much less grief when it is combined with trauma. Judaism is a constant throughout the book, whether it appears in reference to Pirkei Avot (which is cited frequently), Viktor Frankl, Shabbat routines, or Jewish mourning laws. Goldberg-Polin often simply refers to people by their first names only, as if the reader also knows them, creating a sense of intimacy that allows for her to turn herself inside out in her grief and outrage and lostness.
But for all her raw honesty, Goldberg-Polin retains control of her writing; the book is expertly crafted=. She never loses the narrative thread and it is clear that she’s processed a lot and continues to do so in a thoughtful and deeply Jewish way. Religion is not a simple balm for her grief; it is something that she then turns over again and again, examines, connects to other texts or events, and then formulates her own thoughts on how it applies to her and her situation. She writes about how the biblical word for “crisis” and “birth pangs” is the same, citing Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks when she explains that “what is actually happening in that exact moment of near shattered-ness is there is an opening to possibility, potential, and life.” And then on the very next page, she quotes Vonnegut.
In describing her advocacy in the months after October 7, she writes, “I wanted to emphasize the urgency of the situation. I said, ‘The time is running out to save them. The time is running out to save all of us.’” It is gut-wrenching because she was right. Because we know how the situation ended. Readers looking for a story of grief and “recovery” tied up in a neat package will not find that in this book. Instead, When We See You Again provides something much more real: a mother’s fight to save her son, her anguish laid bare when it turned out she could not, and how life continued on.
Jaime Herndon is a medical writer who also writes about parenting and pop culture in her spare time. Her writing can be seen on Kveller, Undark, Book Riot, and more. When she’s not working or homeschooling, she’s at work on an essay collection.
