My schedule for today, which perfectly represents a typical day on the Jewish Book Council author tour:
6:00 AM – Wake up call, courtesy the hotel front desk.
6:15 AM – Man identifying himself as my “limousine driver” calls my cell phone, informs me that he’s downstairs in the hotel lobby. I thank him, excited at the prospect of riding in a limousine, which I have not done since my grandfather’s funeral (June ’84).
6:24 AM – Meet limousine driver in the lobby.
6:25 AM – Discover that “limousine” is really an ’89 Dodge minivan, maroon. Disappointment.
6:45 AM – Arrive JAX.
6:50 AM – Remove shoes, belt, hat, sweatshirt, and watch out of paranoia that I will fail the metal detector and be frisked by TSA.
7:50 AM – Flight to Louisville, KY, via Cincinnati.
10:05 – 11:15 AM – Layover in CVG. Two cups of tea at Max and Erma’s. While I drink, I call Con Edison in New York, beg them to waive the late fee on my last bill, which I forgot to pay because I was on the road for Jewish Book Tour.
11:15 AM – Flight to LOU.
11:20 AM – Meet Kim, the JCC professional, who is holding my book over her head like a literary Statue of Liberty next to baggage claim.
11:40 AM – Kim waits in the car while I dash into Subway, order the Kosher Sub (tuna/cheese/tomato/cucumber/mayo) on six-inch wheat. Also Sun Chips.
12:00 noon – Arrive at hotel.
12:02 PM – Television on, ESPN. Will remain on until checkout tomorrow morning.
12:04 PM – Unpack. Iron pants, shirt for tonight’s event.
12:15 PM – Eat Subway while watching SportsCenter. Bliss.
1:00 PM – Consider doing some work: email, pay bills online, follow up on upcoming shows/book events.
1:01 PM – Decide to instead watch another episode of SportsCenter.
2:00 PM – Email, pay bills online, other work I should have started an hour ago.
4:00 PM – Work out. Never helps. I still weigh 128 lbs.
4:45 PM – Shower, shave.
4:55 PM – Dress while watching ESPN (“Rome is Burning” followed by “Around the Horn”).
5:15 PM – Meet JCC Book Council professional and usually a few local patrons for dinner at a local restaurant. By the questions they ask, I can tell whether or not they’ve read the book. “Did you have to make aliyah to join the Israeli Army?” means they read it. “Why did you join the army?” means they may have read it. “Have you ever been to Israel?” means they have no idea I wrote a book.
7:00 PM – Book event at the JCC. Smashing success. Hundreds, if not thousands, of books sold.
8:30 PM - Dessert reception with donors. Pose for pictures. Shake many hands. Old women I do not know kiss my on cheek. Reminds me of Thanksgiving with my grandmother.
9:30 PM – Back to hotel.
9:40 PM – ESPN: football, basketball.
10:15 PM – Pack suitcase.
10:59 PM – Confirm tomorrow morning’s wake-up call.
11:00 PM – SportsCenter. Lila tov.
Joel Chasnoff (The 188th Crybaby Brigade) has been blogging for the Jewish Book Council on his Jewish Book NETWORK tour. Be sure to check back for his next post for the JBC Blog