During the early years of the Covid-19 pandemic, Matthew Schnipper was a magazine editor living in New York City with his wife, Allegra, and toddler son, Renzo, when the unimaginable happened. Renzo died suddenly on Christmas Eve 2021 from arteriovenous malformation in his brain, or AVM. It is a non-hereditary condition he was born with and for which there are no prenatal or postnatal tests. Schnipper writes in his memoir, Rise Above, about his grief and the ways he found solace in the first couple of years after Renzo’s death. Although this narrative is personal, it can provide invaluable guidance to anyone who experiences the death of a loved one.
Schnipper’s Judaism is part of this story from the start. Schnipper enhanced his record collection with gifts from his b’nai mitzvah after he and his twin sister celebrated this milestone together. He also bought a memoir written by one of his favorite musicians, the punk and heavy metal singer Henry Rollins (née Henry Lawrence Garfield). Decades later, when Schnipper became a father, he gave Renzo the middle name Rollins.
Although he was no stranger to childhood illnesses — Schnipper underwent major surgery when he was a child to remove his colon and reconstruct part of his small intestine — the sudden death of a child is something for which no parent can prepare or ever get over.
On the night Renzo died, Schnipper consulted Reboot, a Jewish “consortium loosely defined as people working in media, social justice, and the arts,” which he had first become involved with a decade before Renzo was born. The leader of Reboot advised Schnipper to contact a rabbi, and a few days later he was on the phone with Rabbi Sharon Brous. She suggested he hold a shivah to mourn and solely focus on Renzo. Schnipper writes about the healing powers of the mourner’s kaddish: “Sounding this out was a task, but I was glad to be told what to do, to stand naked before death and attempt to heal myself with ancient ritual. To not be so cosmically alone.”
It’s not uncommon for parents to split up soon after the death of a child, but Schnipper and Allegra found a balance for handling their grief that worked for them. They each developed new interests of their own — he a clothing resale business and she pottery — while they remained committed to one another and the future of their family.
Schnipper’s memoir is comprised of beautiful writing and the most thoughtful memorial one could give a child who leaves this world all too soon. He concludes with a hopeful outlook and one that he also alludes to in an early chapter: “Everyone experiences pain. The lessons I learned about struggle and survival are universal. I imagined this book would be a guide. I wanted to write it to help other people. Of course, I ended up helping myself.”
Susan Blumberg-Kason is the author of three books, including Bernardine’s Shanghai Salon: The Story of the Doyenne of Old China, and co-editor of the anthology Hong Kong Noir. She is working on a biography of Golda Meir’s childhood and teenage years in Milwaukee and Denver.
