Ear­li­er this week, Emi­ly Stone wrote about Jews and sports (have you tak­en her quiz Ath­lete or Math­lete?”). Her book, Did Jew Know: A Handy Primer on the Cus­toms, Cul­ture, and Prac­tice of the Cho­sen Peo­ple (Chron­i­cle Books), is now avail­able. She will be blog­ging here all week for Jew­ish Book Coun­cil and MyJew­ish­Learn­ing.

While some stars look Jew­ish or pub­licly iden­ti­fy as Jew­ish, sup­port­ing Israel — you go, Scar Jo!— or record Chanukah songs that even gen­tiles love to love, oth­ers mask their her­itage like a trav­el­ing sales­man with a toupee; only, no mat­ter how many times you comb it over, trans­plant it or blow it out, every­one knows it’s a rug, espe­cial­ly in high-def. Mean­time, some stars kin­da look eth­nic (read Jew­ish) but aren’t. It’s a conundrum.

In my house grow­ing up, a strong­hold of sec­u­lar but devot­ed cul­tur­al Judaism, as soon as anyone’s name was intro­duced, famous or oth­er­wise, my moth­er would imme­di­ate­ly and inevitably punc­tu­ate the men­tion with the mod­i­fi­er JEW­ISH!” or NOT JEW­ISH!” While this par­tic­u­lar brand of Yid­dishkeit echolalia may not have been unique to our house­hold alone, it is unique to the Jews to think about who is and isn’t Jew­ish, more than, say, the goy­im. Walk­er Laird Gaffney and Turfer Throop prob­a­bly do not yell out the word JEW­ISH!” mere sec­onds after you tell them you just had lunch with Man­ny Howard or Jes­si Burg­er. Nor do they glee­ful­ly tell you that Kate Hud­son is, in fact, a mem­ber of the Tribe and exact­ly how and why (mater­nal grandmother).

What’s inter­est­ing here, or per­haps trou­bling — more than the com­mon­place self-iden­ti­fi­ca­tion prac­tices of the Tribe via name recog­ni­tion — is who among those in Hol­ly­wood choos­es to main­tain a pub­lic Jew­ish iden­ti­ty and who decides to go lo pro, even though, let’s face it, we all know what’s up. And I’m not talk­ing about who’s a Zion­ist — that’s a whole oth­er blog — or about depic­tions of Jew­ish char­ac­ters in movies or in TV — don’t get me start­ed — but who is a big ol’ eth­nic Jewy the Jew all the live­long day in looks and name and life besides Madon­na and Brit­ney Spears! O Red String and Yehu­da Berg (JEW­ISH!), thank you for all you have done. Hot gen­tiles dressed like bun­nies at Purim par­ties? It’s a world gone mad.

While there’s a cer­tain pride in Jew­ish iden­ti­ty in the world of let­ters, Hol­ly­wood gen­er­al­ly shies away from whol­ly embrac­ing Jew­ish iden­ti­ty, with the excep­tion of the year­ly smat­ter­ing of Holo­caust films or the Gold­bergs and Krusty the Clown. This is remark­able espe­cial­ly when you think about the fact that Tin­sel Town con­tin­ues to be presided over by its fore­fa­thers, almost all of whom still seem to pre­fer an ane­mic ver­sion of what I like to call blow-out Judaism,” where every­one either looks like Court­ney Cox at a slut cotil­lion or is a fax of a fax of a fax of pre-bad-for-the-Jews Woody Allen.

In oth­er words, whether or not you believe in your heart of hearts that Amer­i­ca is a Chris­t­ian Nation, its goysiche look is defined and imposed by a bunch of schlep­py desert nomads whose last names end in –stein, –berg, –sky and –witz. And these now wild­ly suc­cess­ful Amer­i­can nomads, no mat­ter how Jew­ish they them­selves may look, do not, I repeat do NOT want to look at frizzy hair, nor back TV series about life in Bor­ough Park. It’s every­thing a Jew­ish boy from Brook­lyn or the Bronx would live to avoid. Still and all, my moth­er and I are not fooled! And when big, dark curly hair comes back with a vengeance, which it will, believe Jew me, we are ready and have been since the 1980s. Come back to the Dry Bar, Har­vey Wein­stein, Har­vey Weinstein.

So the next time you’re set­tling in for your next Net­flix marathon, and the cred­its are rolling, or Kevin Bacon (NOT JEW­ISH!) enters the frame, play a rous­ing round or six of Jewish/​Not Jew­ish and let your neigh­bors keep score. It’s not just a game; it’s a mat­ter of nation­al nachas.

It’s True-ish, They’re Jew­ish! A True/​False Quiz

1. Jason Biggs

2. Lau­ren Bacall

3. Ben Affleck

4. Lisa Bonet

5. Julio Iglesias

6. Rosean­na Barr

7. Orlan­do Bloom

8. David Arquette

9. Ali­cia Silverstone

10. Ally Sheedy

11. San­dra Bullock

12. Eliz­a­beth Berkley

13. Aman­da Peet

14. Ben Kingsley

15. Court­ney Love

16. Daniel Day Lewis

17. Sharon Stone

18. Lea Michelle

19. Natal­ie Portman

20. Jake Gyllenhaal

21. Helen Hunt

22. Jen­nifer Connelly

23. Har­ri­son Ford

24. Mimi Rogers

25. Sel­ma Blair

26. Seth Rogen

27. Goldie Hawn

28. Andrew Dice Clay

29. Whoopi Goldberg

30. Lena Dunham

31. Hen­ry Winkler

32. Judd Apatow

33. Tori Spelling

34. Made­line Kahn

35. Steve Carell

36. Paul Rudd

37. Jon Hamm

38. Mark Wahlberg

Answers can be found here.

Born in New Orleans and raised in Brook­lyn, Emi­ly Stone is a writer and a yoga teacher liv­ing in New York City.